It’s not a long list, but it’s a list that exists and he thinks she would be repulsed by the sight of him if she knew.
Step out the door and it feels like rain
That's the sound (that's the sound) on your windowpane
Take to the streets but you can't ignore
That's the sound (that's the sound) you're waiting for
It’s one of those good days for her. She’s silent as she sits near the window, tapping at the window as the raindrops slide down. He’s watching her as he stands in the doorway, certain that he shouldn’t approach her. If he did, he’d shatter the scene, break the silence, destroy her peace and he already did enough of that in her life. Instead, he contents himself with observing her still figure, letting his thoughts wander wherever they want. He rarely had these moments. His life was chaotic, fixed in a daily routine unusual to the common mind. He didn’t have time to find sanctuary in his own thoughts.
Of course, the only thing he thinks of is her. The huddled mass, appearing to be so fragile and vulnerable, is actually quite dangerous. She has abilities that could easily surpass his and be the death of him, but he doesn’t care. He broke her. That’s what he told himself whenever he asked himself why she left him. He’s not the kind of person to lie to himself so he knows this is the truth, as far as he knows anyways. He’ll lie to others (and he doesn’t even do this often) but never himself. He’s seen enough deception in the world to be able to add to it. But he’s lied to her…with good intentions. He wanted to protect her but instead he lost her. He remembers the day all too well. --- If ever your world starts crashing down
Whenever your world starts crashing down
Whenever your world starts crashing down
That's where you'll find me. (yeah)
It’s not like one of those typical separation scenes in a movie. It’s daytime, he comes home and she’s upstairs, sitting on the bed. He could only assume later on that she’d been waiting the whole day for him to return from work. He hears rustling upstairs and calls to her. “Vera! I’m home. Vera?” He stopped using all his nicknames for her after she requested he refrained from doing so after the death of their son. He thought it was a postmortem depression thing, but the distance only grew between the two and things were happening to Archie he couldn’t quite control.
He thinks she doesn’t know…doesn’t know about the lives he’s taken. It’s not a long list, but it’s a list that exists and he thinks she would be repulsed by the sight of him if she knew. She wouldn’t understand that the last piece he had of his now dead brother was a deviant instinct he passed on inside of him. She wouldn’t understand it’s because it was from his brother that he’s trying to cope with it. But she knows about the crimes he’s committed and why. Her half-sister, Laura, told her all about it. She would’ve helped him work through it, but he turned to Laura, or so she thought. The truth didn’t matter when the choice was already made.
But everything was going to change. He found a way to control what changed him, made him someone else. He was going to make everything like it was before tragedy struck. He tells her everything’s changed with an eager face. She smiles, recognizing that childish wonder he had whenever he was sincerely happy and she’s sorry she has to tell this to the face of the man she fell for, the face she hadn’t seen in such a long time. She kisses his cheek – not like his wife, but like a friend – and in a hint of a whisper, she says, “I’m leaving.”
He asks her to stay. He doesn’t even demand to know why she’s leaving, much less ask. He lost that right when he began lying to her. She mutters no repeatedly as she brushes past him with her packed bag, rushing down the stairs. He jumps in front of her just as she hits the last step. He tells her whatever it is, they can work it out. She asks him to tell her something true. He says he can’t live without her and she’s frozen. It looks like he’s got her, and she has this sad smile, as though she felt the same…but then she moves his arm, sniffling as she does it. “I was always here, but you weren’t here when I needed you and yet -” she murmurs, cutting herself off, and takes his hand to place a small object there. She then walks past him and he lets her. But he swears he heard her say, “I still love you,” but he doubts his hearing when he realizes it’s her wedding ring she handed him. ---
God love your soul and your aching bones
Take a breath, take a step, meet me down below
Everyone's the same, our fingers to our toes
We just can't get a right, but we're on the road
He’s pulled out of his dazed state when he hears her speaking. He straightens, no longer leaning on the doorframe, listening intently for her insistence to move.
“Tell me,” she whispers, turning her head slightly, but not directly looking at Archie.
It takes him a second to realize she’s talking to him and not herself. “Tell you what?” He asks, clearly befuddled by her request. He takes a step forward, but maintains a distance.
“The day you took me away.” She says with a louder voice, furrowing her brows as she tries to recall the day. “The day you saved me,” she whispers this time, and Archie’s not sure he heard her right. “I can’t remember.”
Just from the look on her face, he gets the impression that it’s killing her that she can’t remember such an important moment in her life. The day life as she knew it changed a second time. Or third. He couldn’t keep track. He wasn’t always in her life (something he regretted). So he pulls up a chair diagonal from her after hesitating to sit on the bench seat window, right next to her pulled up knees.
“Alright. Well, it wasn’t a beautiful sight…”
If ever your world starts crashing down
Whenever your world starts crashing down
Whenever your world starts crashing down
That's where you'll find me. (yeah)
“That prick fianc of yours experimented on you. I could see the stitches on your body when I came in. I knocked on the door, went past Salinger and saw you on the couch. You didn’t look as pale as you do now. You looked tired, though. I could tell by the wrecked decorations that your ability had manifested. I didn’t need my ability to picture the event, but my ability was the reason I knew about you. I dreamed about what happened while it was going on and located Salinger’s house.
“I was furious. I was about to kill your fianc, but you asked me not to. You’re gonna have to explain that one someday, yeah?
“Anyways, you asked me not to and I didn’t. Instead I knocked him out, took you in my arms. I wasn’t sure you even recognized me – you were a bit out of it so I was a bit hesitant to take you out of there. But then you saw my necklace and muttered my name. Dozed off into sleep, and that was it. For you, anyways. I brought you to my house. Avelyn was too young to bother questioning me about you, but she helped me take care of you.”
Lost 'til you're found
Swim 'til you drown
Know that we all fall down
Love 'til you hate
Strong 'til you break
Know that we all fall down
“What was around your neck?” She asks, meeting his eyes now. He’s reluctant to answer the question, but as she tugs on the sleeve of his shirt, he finds it hard to deny her. She sits up, getting a closer and clearer view of his neck. He pulls on the chain, allowing the necklace to fall. He opens his fist, revealing his wedding ring from their marriage. He runs his finger on the engraving, obscuring it from her view, but she reaches out and gently takes it from his hand. She reads it and immediately recognizes it. A small smile forms on her face. Before she could pursue the subject, there’s a knocking at the door.
He gets up and opens the door. He doesn’t know the person personally, but he knows his business there. He nods and asks for a moment alone.
Archie returns to her side and takes her hands in his, forgetting all the safety precautions he was taking earlier. She’s alarmed at the sudden change in his demeanor. He looks down at her hands with a somber look. She feels him shifting her hands, as though he was deciding back and forth to do something, but she’s too distracted by the sadness in his eyes.
“I have a friend here to see you. He’s going to help you forget.”
“Forget what?”
He grits his teeth, clearly having a hard time getting his words out. “Everything. Our marriage and the pain that came after.”
She struggles to pull her hands away and she opens her mouth to protest, but he catches her. “Just listen to me,” he commands, the first time he’s used a demanding voice. “Since you’ve been around me after you got your abilities, your health has been degenerating. You feel weak, I can see the pain. I understand now what it is.” He pauses, forcing himself to smile. “I’d like to explain it to you, but you’ll end up forgetting anyways.” He wants to chuckle, but when his smile falters; he knows it’s useless to even try to laugh.
“You said you wouldn’t leave. What was the point of saving me if you’re going to leave me?” She asks in what he recognizes as desperate anger.
“I wasn’t—” He stops himself short, finding better words to sever the attachment. “I am…going to leave you.”
She pulls her hands away and places them on his cheek. In a manner of seconds, all the boundaries he set to distance himself from her have fallen and he’s starting to miss her again. “It’s not your fault,” she tells him and he’s surprised. “Just because I don’t know the science…doesn’t mean I can read your expressions. Guilt. Every day I see the guilt. I mis-” She catches herself, trying to stay on point. “Don’t do this.”
He pulls her hands away from his face, a gentle no, but he could never fully reject her. “If in a few weeks you don’t start recovering, I’ll come back.”
“How—” She begins to ask, and he expected this. He places his necklace in her hand and she remembers doing this for him. She feels the weight of the ring moreso than the necklace itself.
“Come find me.” He finds a way to smile again and she almost hates him for it. “Like you always say, love. Best to leave it up to fate. If you don’t remember…” He trails off, knowing she finish the sentence in her mind. He gets up and kisses her forehead. “Good night, love.”
If ever your world starts crashing down
Whenever your world starts crashing down
Whenever your world starts crashing down
That's where you'll find (find) me
He lets the man in and watches him carefully, trying to understand the process. The man places his hand over her forehead and murmurs something, supposedly words of comfort. When it’s done, she falls back on the window bench seat and falls asleep. He walks forward and places his jacket over her. It’s the last thing he leaves her with. He doesn’t ask the man what memories he made up for her to believe when she woke up. He simply thanks him and leaves. He’d see her again, he knew that much. But things would be different, just like he promised when she left him. He’ll be a different man and she’ll be happy. Just like he promised.
Lost 'til you're found
Swim 'til you drown
Know that we all fall down
Love 'til you hate
Strong 'til you break
Know that we all fall down
All fall down
Muse: Dr. Arsenio Guiderian
Fandom: OC
Word Count: 2, 071
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